My imaginary memories..

Ladies and Gentleman.. ala behold.. My Retirement Speech, tongue-in-cheek.

From this moment, imagine that you are transported 39 years into future..

I dont think you have imagined yourself. Concentrate.. Imagine again. Imaaagggine..

My Story - 2047 and as you guessed it, its a flop. no big deal..

Its my retirement day and i have to make a speech. The hall is jam-packed. The crowd is making a beeline to enter the hall. The "Anna Dhanam" trick has worked. Dignitaries have flown in from various parts of the world. I feel amazed by the power of a "free lunch". Bespectacled, bald, grumpy, i sit exactly in the centre flanked by two kingfisher models. I could hear teenagers commenting-"Intha Vayasula.." On hearing them, i pinch the lady nearby. Soon it was followed by a horrible stench. Investigation later spotted some half-burnt stomachs.

A lady makes an introductory speech from which i picked some facts about my life. TImes havent changed, i thought, I am still weak in recollections. Here goes the facts..

Age: sweet 60
Venue: PSG Tech. My alma mater for four years. Ah! those days engineering degree lasted for four years! (I heard some boos and coos when the lady uttered PSG Tech.. Spotted some purana vasthus, sanyasis, sanyasinis. my tech friends, i reckon)
Job: Intel for some years, Some management experience, then i landed my dream job - A gourmet in Discovery Travels' "Vivek's Favourite dishes Around the world". 35 years of service!!(of being served btw).. You know, the kind of job most people wish they attain it in their next birth. I had to travel to star hotels around the world and taste their sumptuous dishes. It was fun, beach, babes, beer, boar..
Role Model: Obelix
Personal Details: One kid, One wife, some grandchildren..(not in that order).

So finally she finished off her "long" address invited me to give the speech. I got up and let out a quick fart. Old age, lucky that the microphone is far. Then i spoke..

"Ladies and Gentleman. After the wholesome free lunch, you must be very pleased. ("yeah bravo" cries erupted). And your must be feeling very drowsy.(No "yeah bravo" cries- this time, pindrop silence!). Wow! What an ideal setting for my retirement speech! Folks, this waas what i have been doing for the last 35 years. Eat, sleep,think, Eat, sleep,think(in that order.) Eat -Dainty dishes At exotic locales around the world. Sleep - On cushy mattresses in swanky hotels(someone shouted "Alone??). Think - In the place which appears almost the same everywhere and where one's thoughts outflux is optimum. What an apetizing life, I had! You must be asking what inspired me to go for this. Stupid fellas, why do you need an inspiration for this job. Even an infant infact is born with enough inspiration to take this job. But you must be wondering, what motivated me to put my efforts in getting this job? Well it happened long, long back. i decided on the path i'll take on the convocation day i had in this same college. A dude from TCS who was one among the current 5.23 billion employees in TATA group gave a speech. I didnt pay heed to most of the things he said. But there was one thing that caught my senses(my mouth, specifically). He asked everyone, for the first two years after college life, that is this was before 33 years, to be a "kid in the candy store". I reckon it was a figurative expression but i took it literally. Why two years, i decided to be the kid in the candy store all my life. Now i have entered my second childhood, so things have become far easier to remain as a kid. Thats why i chose to retire. I can see that most of you have retired to sleep. Folks, You took the main course, the dessert is yet to come. " Tan da dain- everyone woke up staring like a rabbit in front of approaching lorry. I spoke again - " Now for the questions. please shoot"


The New York Times:
"If you meet that TCS dude, how would you react?"
- I would lock him in a candy store and ask him how it feels to be a kid in the candy store for two years. Advisa paaru..

Dina Malar
"Neenga onga life oru song la describe panna mudiyuma"
- Oh mudiyume: "Ithuve ennaku pothum.. ta da ta da ta ta ta, ta da ta ta * 3"

Kannada Maadi
"food alli thira vangi inga hoggathala?"
-kannada gotthilla

"Thats all folks!!"